No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
