how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
