Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
