Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
