I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
