She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
