hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
