Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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