This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
