I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
