I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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