So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
