my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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