we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
