If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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