party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
