i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
