Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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