Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
