You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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