3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
