gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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