fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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