i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
