Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
