Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
