i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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