so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize