im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize