I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
