the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
