Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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