My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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