"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it because I queefed?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
