You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
