i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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