i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
