I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
