So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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