Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
