dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
