i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
