i barfeds in our rink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
