You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
