I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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