I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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