I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize