it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
