its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
