just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
