I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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