Cold hands, warm shart.
Will you blow on my dice?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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