do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize