come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
