I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
