My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
