Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
