she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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