she was so not down for the gang bang
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
