I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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