When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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