everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
