Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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