that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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