I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
