Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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