saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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