she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
