I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
