me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
