They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
