My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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