On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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