I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
