They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
