he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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