i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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