i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize