He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
