hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
