I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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