Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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