Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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