How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
