Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize