half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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