You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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