yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
