Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
