I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize