Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize