I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
