is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
