I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize