First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
