We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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