you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
