is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
