You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
