Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
