SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
