On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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