My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
