Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
