you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
