did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
