im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love having hate sex.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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