the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
